am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
