I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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