i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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