She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
