with your own penis?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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