& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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