We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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