A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
