She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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