I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
