im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
