one might say we're banned from that church
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
