I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize