toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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