So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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