my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
