it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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