I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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