Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
