it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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