What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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