...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
