how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
