i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
