JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize