Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
