Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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