I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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