mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
