i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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