Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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