are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
