i can't believe i had my finger in that
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
