# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
