I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
