all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
