ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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