i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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