How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
