thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
