dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
