If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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