Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
