I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
