I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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