I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
