Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
