It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
