If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
