Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize