Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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