I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He called his prostate his "boner button".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
