you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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