Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
