You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
