Just cropdusted the office
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
MIDGETS
????
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
