I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
