I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
