I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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