I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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