oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
