Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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