I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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