Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
