I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
