Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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