my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
