But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
