It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
