I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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