He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
