i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
