Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize