I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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