Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
