I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
