the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
