I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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