Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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