i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
