i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
that may or may not have been my penis.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
