what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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