No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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