C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
