I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
