I understand why you refuse to be sober now
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
