This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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