I accidentally had phone sex last night
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
