Someone shit on the floor
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
