I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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