Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize