Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
