hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
