All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
