i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
