you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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