Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
