I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize